Thursday, July 19, 2012

Summer Slump

I am definitely going through a summer slump this week. So much to think about -- Big Girl's activities and her approaching birthday and the plans and presents that accompany it, doctor's appointments, surviving a heatwave in the Northeast, Internet not working with writing assignments due, bills to pay with little money easily accessible to pay them... yada yada yada. Oh, and one of our frogs died this week, which was emotional for Big Girl. Our dog passes away almost a year ago, and this was a sad reminder of losing pets.

As moms, we try to hold it all together, all the time. And sometimes we can't. This was one of those weeks for me. I just was a puddle of mush. I read once that tears are not a sign of weakness but a sign of having to be strong for too long. I like that. I feel like I am always trying to hold it together. Call it SuperMom syndrome, or what you will, but there is a lot of pressure to make sure one is a good parent and makes the right decisions for one's family and has a clean house with good food on the table and clean children with their hair combed and the lawn mowed and the gardens weeded. That sort of thing.

All moms, whether SAHMs or WAHMs or working moms, have a lot of stress on them most of the time. It's hard to be a good parent and juggle everything in the 21st century. Life is so different now than it was for me as a child, in so many ways... There were not as many activities for kids or the pressure to provide kids with many activities. And just take the added financial stresses: When I was growing up, living a somewhat middle-class life didn't require the amount of money it does today. Today, we have cell phone and cable and internet bills... Sure, we could live without cable, but my husband and I don't go out very much, so it is our one source of entertainment. As for cell phones, I don't have a smart phone. I need internet service for work as well as for Big Girl for school.

And speaking of school, there are fees and fundraisers and donations. Big Girl doesn't play sports, but she does have music lessons. And she has a Faith Formation class through our church. And Girl Scouts. And I allowed her two paid activities this summer -- one is a LEGO Robotics class, which is this week, and another is a babysitting course next month (the latter is more for my benefit, since she has the twin siblings and I'm hoping it will give her some tips for being a good helpful big sister. And they teach CPR in it! Bonus!). There are school supplies to purchase. And in the very near future she will need orthodontic work.

And then there is rising cost of gas for the car -- my husband has a longer commute to work so gas is quite an expense for us. Last year his car finally died, so he needed a new car. We are juggling two car payments for the time being, which is a big chunk of money.)

So, after a day or two of feeling sorry for myself, I am trying to pull myself up by my bootstraps, as they say, and put on my big girl pants. First up: I need to bring in more income, however difficult that is for me with the twin toddlers at home. And the only way I know how to do that right now is to write from home. I'm pursuing additional assignments for my job to start. And this blog is something I love, so I will continue to do it -- however, I am thinking of "monetizing it," i.e. adding advertisements. Since I enjoy this outlet for my writing -- and I hope you all do too! -- I would like to be able to pour my ideas here yet see if I can earn enough to aid my family. I'm not expecting it to change the way I deal with anything I write about in any way, and I will always keep a full disclosure if it does.

Now, off to take care of the kids. Hope you enjoyed a little honesty!

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